the story: continues

I am going to jump around in telling my story. Jumping from today to yesterday to last year & beyond. I will simply write what comes to me - some memories are vague & some are painfully vivid. It is a crazy ride & so will be the telling.

To continue: Needless to say it is always shocking to hear such news. Friends, family & loved ones all react in one of the following states: disbelief, shock, sadness, anger. As the one who received the news, I can agree that all of those went through my brain in a nano-second...in addition to being completely gob-smacked,. finally landing on: now what do i do? Little did I realize that I already put a plan in place.

The previous fall I had watched my mum be constantly misdiagnosed & basically be brutalized by our so-called premier medical system. Everything that could go wrong for her, did. We had no one that we could rely on, no one to turn to. When it was finally diagnosed as cancer, discovered during a botched exploratory surgery, the chemo & radiation simply hastened her death. She went undiagnosed for so long, that her body could not cope with this barbaric practice, also known as cancer treatment. It was during her worst period that I told my husband that "if" that every happened to me, I will do whatever it takes NOT go through that.

There was no way that I could have known that in less than nine months I would be faced my own diagnosis with the challenge & opportunity to look at life in a completely different way.

The Story Begins: Cancer is not a death sentence.

Having a birthday seems like the right time to finally begin telling my story.But where to begin? This seems to be the constant struggle for many people who want to put into words what they have been going through. I have a lot of words, no doubt about that. I will carefully choose them here - or not. Ok - let's get started. 

May 5 2009, I called my best friend in Newfoundland & told her that I was starting to write a book. She thought it was a great idea, as she knows that I had enjoyed writing while in school. I said " I don't have a title but here's the first lines: Eight days ago I was told that I have cancer. Five days ago I was told I couldn't have coffee. Which one do you think pisses me off more?" 

She laughed generously & I joined right in. Even from across the country, I could picture her face, shaking her head, wondering what was I thinking? 

The laughter eventually gave way to silence. 

The silence gave way to her gasp of disbelief.