Andean alarm clock

Without opening my eyes, I know it is cloudy this morning. The bedroom has not been engulfed with the usual brilliant sunrise. I roll over and burrow deeper into the blankets. There is not much enthusiasm in greeting a cloudy day. I hear the neighbors rooster - he doesn't sound thrilled either. The pack of wandering dogs are having their morning gathering in the pasture behind our house. Even their greetings are unusually subdued.

I am on the fuzzy edge of falling back to sleep when I hear a trumpeting bellow of discontent. Oh.... not again, grumble, grumble. Roll over. Burrow deeper and cover ears with blankets.

MMMMMmmmaaaaaaaaaahhhh.

Again, again and again. The cow in the neighbors' pasture is not enjoying her early morning location. She is loudly complaining to the maitre d' about where she has been placed for her first breakfast. Even without looking out the window I know exactly where she is. She is on the rocky upslope from the short-cut path. Not sure why she always gets left there. It's a steep slope with rocks and not much grass. Although, it would make sense if she was a goat. Based on her tone, I have no doubt that her rope is tangled around the rocks and shrubs and she can't reach anything. I shuffle my way to the bathroom and open the window. Bingo  -- that's exactly where she is.

There is no use trying to get back to sleep - her insistent tone makes it impossible. And the cold bathroom tiles have given me enough of a shock to go in search of my fuzzy slippers and head downstairs to go make coffee.


A couple of hours later, all is quiet in the back pasture. The complaints have been addressed and the cow is now nicely settled in the lower field, happily munching her way through her second breakfast

-----------------------------------------------------------------.s,t & d.

Hockey playoffs and commercials

Hockey. 

It is the vital elixir for the well-being of (almost) every Canadian. And it is all the more sweeter when it's The Playoffs. There is no other heart-thumping experience quite like being in the home team arena with a capacity crowd. Although my team is no longer in contention, I feel it is important to support the remaining Canadian players.

Ecuador is not known for its love of hockey, although I have heard there is a league in Quito that is gaining popularity. The local networks carry every sporting event, as long as it's futbol / soccer. We have heard they also love basketball, baseball, ecua-volley, formula one, archery, tennis, golf, swimming, badminton, ping-pong, polo - but not hockey. Not yet.

So we decided to break the bank and signed up to watch the playoffs. What you need to know is that we haven't watched TV since Jan 2014. Oh wait, we did have the program 'Musica de la Feliz Navidad' on during Christmas. Aside from that - nada.

It is a strange watching hockey when I can look out my window and see the Andes Mountains. But it is exciting, even when the video and audio feed are out of sync. We hear the goal before we see the goal.

Then the first commercial came on. It was about a car (I think) and filmed in Vancouver. I found myself wanting to catch every detail, to look for any change that has happened to the city since we moved away. Am I going to notice anything in less than 30 seconds? Unlikely. The other commercials reminded us to turn down the volume and go make popcorn.

Here's to all of you that love hockey - no matter where in the world you are.

May the best team win.

Yo soy una llama y mi nombre es Jama.

After banging my head on the desk all day I was finally able to remember the password for this blog. No doubt, all of us have done something similar at some point in our life. How long has it been since last we spoke? Only three years you say? Jeeezers !!!!! what has been going on?? Much like my last explanation: LIFE and lots of it. I will fill in details as we go.

Recently (relatively speaking), D and I were presented with an opportunity to look at life a different way when I was down-sized from my corporate life. At the time it happened I was far from seeing the silver lining, in fact it was more of a putrid, dirty diaper colour. The mis-deed happened two days before we were to leave on a big ol' jet airplane, to what we anticipated would be a trip of a lifetime.

It was Dec 2012 and, according to those that misinterpreted the Mayan calendar, the world was going to end. To commemorate this auspicious event, we decided that the best place would be in the middle of the planet. Ok, not the actual middle, as in the core - that's way too hot and there's no antiperspirant strong enough for that. We were heading to the equator, to a small country called Ecuador.

                                  Yo soy una llama y mi nombre es Jama.

On the long plane ride from northern North America, I knew that I had to make a choice. I could continue holding on to my anger & resentment about no longer being needed or let it go.

Fortunately, while enjoying a stop-over in the Houston airport (read: in a beverage establishment), logic did kick in. I was not going to let 'that which will no longer be talked about' have any effect on the enjoyment of the trip. But wait a minute (another beverage), turns out, that is exactly what it did. D & I had been traveling, in search of a place to land when we retire. We knew it would be in the southern hemisphere, we just hadn't found 'the place'. Ecuador (with thanks to my mother-in-law) was next on the list of places to see. So.... instead of looking at this trip as an exploration for maybe relocating in 10 to 15 years, we said 'why not right now?'.  Why not --- indeed !!!!

After battling cancer, it was an easy decision for us to grab the reins of life and say giddy-up !!!
----------------------------------------------------

Needless to say, we made it happen. This is start of our adventure in Ecuador. Stay tuned.

Where did the year go?

Wow !!! Really, it has been that long since I spent time here? Every day there is something to share. I have evidently found many excuses not to return.  Kind readers (I am hopeful that I have more than one) I am sure you will understand that intentions are always good; the effort is sadly lacking.  

Is this a painful topic? Absolutely !
Has the journey been challenging ? Absolutely!
Would I do it again? Absolutely not !!! There is no &^%$#( way that I want to do 'this' again. If I had the super power to change anything; not having cancer is the only thing on my list. Yes - it is that simple. 

ok ok ok, who am I kidding?  -- and every day a good hair day.

What has happened over the past year? Life & lots of it. Yup, essentially that's it - every single day.

Highlights - our house is now half finished ( aka the never ending reno); D & I went to Costa Rica; a couple of relaxing trips to Vegas; my dad moved back to England;  watching our nephew grow from baby burrito  to toddler genius (we are not biased what so ever!); many hours spent with friends;  every moment with my best friend.

Low lights: occasional moments of inner turmoil, anger & resentment.

I constantly question my doctors, specialists, those that are supposed to be helping me. Oddly, it appears that it is only the pharmecutial companies that are truly interested in me & that is to use me (you & everyone) as guinea pigs. My medical team, that is to say western doctors, are not interested in my well-being. Let's be honest - drug companies will tell our well-learned doctors what symptoms to look for & what drug can mask those symptoms.  No no no no -- we will not cure the patient, that would mean the loss of revenue. Give patient a drug for problem A; the drug is made to ensure that it will appear that problem A is slightly improved, but the side effects- which will never be published, will then cause problem B, C, D, E, F. But that's ok, because there will be another drug for those problems as well. This angers me to no end -- you should be angry too.

I refused to be treated that way - much to the disbelief of many around me. But don't your doctors know what is best for you?. How can you possible know what is right for you? And - my personal favourite, as asked by my GP: are your trying to cure cancer by yourself?  Are you kidding me ??!!! It was all I could do not to launch myself out of my chair & smack that sanctimonious look off her face. <<Dear readers - please understand, that if I was truly a violent person, I would be able to write volumes, as I would be spending plenty of time in prison. >>

Anger is best channelled into improving my odds. I am selfish --  remember this IS all about ME. My circle of friends is amazing -- each one is loved dearly. All are a constant positive force to be reckoned with.

That is not to say that everything is sunshine & roses, after all, we do have to co-habitate will others on this planet & once in a while....... expressions of discontent are required. My husband has been at the business end of a couple of vents & I don't mean the sheet metal kind. I wasn't mad at him; he had the misfortune of being in my eyesight when 'something' tipped my scales. Good chance it was something insignificant - yet added to everything else that I must manage with a 'happy disposition'; I turned into toxic-mode. Not much the man can do it that situation - didn't want or need him to do anything -- just be quiet & let me say my piece. I must get rid of these rancid thoughts all at once & when I am done & the tears of anger & frustration have dried, the puffy eyes & red nose are calmed; a bowl of double chocolate ice-cream will heal all wounds.

Anyone who is facing challenges, whether personal, health, work; will agree that turning the other cheek is not always the best solution. A good old fashioned rant to the heavens is good for the soul. It clears out the negative to make room for the positive.

the story: moving forward

I have had many conversations with friends, friends of friends and colleagues over the past two years. I seem to have taken on the role of live-life-to-the-edge-every-day crusader. Ha ! I just made that up & I'm gonna use it.

Just yesterday I was having lunch with a colleague - someone who knows the readers-digest version of my journey. He is always surprised at my ability to put a positive spin on any situation. Between forkfuls of kung-pow he says "You are an incredibly strong lady". I shyly look away, acknowledging but at the same time, questioning, his accuracy.

I am not doing 'this' alone. Everyone around me- my husband, my dad, my brothers (east & west coast) my mother-in-law, my mum (RIP), my 'Sista' & her husband, my friends, my colleagues & team at work, my boss. You get a sense that the list is quite long. All of these people give me their strength to continue to move forward.

I have made choices regarding my treatment that not all of these wonderful people agree with. No doubt! It's not what they would do for themselves. Some people in my life have made a choice not to speak with me because of my choice. I regret the loss but I know down the road our paths will meet up again.. Hmm there's that positive spin again.

March 2008 my husband told me of a mobile mammogram unit coming to our area. I will admit, it had been more than a couple since since my last one.  Not that I had any health concerns but I am a woman over a 'certain' age & must be proactive in my own well-being. So I signed up right away. In order to get the test I had to have a Dr. -- oddly enough, at the time,  I didn't have one. My former doctor had given up his practice several years early & I hadn't had any issues to compel me to find another. Walk-in clinics took care of my minor maladies. Do you know how difficult it is to find a family doctor? Of course you do - shockingly 25% of Canadians do not have one.

Fortunately, I didn't have to look too far, I checked with my husbands' doctor - but he wasn't accepting new patients. But he did have a new associate in his office who was. Great - set me up an appointment. I was full of positive bravado when I met with her. I gave her my medical history. No issues over the last several years, great diet ( thanks to my husband) no longer had asthma (thanks to my acupuncturist), in fact no longer taking ANY medication at all. Surprisingly this did not impress my new doctor. I sensed that she didn't think much of my attitude & that I was capable of looking after myself. She asked why was I in to see her? I told her I wanted to get mammogram. She jumped all over that "Oh - so there is something wrong!!" No - I said, just making sure I am healthy. In fact " I don't expect to see you again." Ok - maybe I gave her a bit of attitude - but as far as I was concerned, I actually did not expect to come back to her office.

So I have the mammogram. With the wealth of intelligence in the world today, one would think that someone could create a less barbaric machine !.  A  couple weeks later I received notice that a mass had been found & an ultra-sound had been scheduled. No worries on my part - let's make sure. A mass was found & it was cause for them (the doctors) to be concerned. Another week after that I was scheduled for a biopsy. During this time, my husband & I were getting ourselves ready to go to London to spread my mums' ashes & then to Prague ( on our list of 'places we must see'). Needless to say I was not giving any of these tests to power to dampen my enthusiasm. During the biopsy, which was bloody painful, I was talking to the medical staff about my upcoming trip, leaving in less than a week & how excited I was to be going somewhere other than Mexico. LOL

For whatever reason, I felt compelled to tell them, "do not contact me about the diagnosis until I return". I honestly don't know what made me say that but as of that day I was 100% healthy. Nothing was going to interfere with my holiday enjoyment. Two days before we left, I came home from work & saw that we had a couple of phone messages. One was a friend wishing us a fabulous holiday.

The other: my new doctors office with an urgent request to see them right away.  I sat there, trying to breathe normally.With tears streaming down my face, a giant lump in the pit of my stomach & my heart about to burst. I reached over with my middle finger & with a loud "Screw You" I deleted the message.

the story: continues

I am going to jump around in telling my story. Jumping from today to yesterday to last year & beyond. I will simply write what comes to me - some memories are vague & some are painfully vivid. It is a crazy ride & so will be the telling.

To continue: Needless to say it is always shocking to hear such news. Friends, family & loved ones all react in one of the following states: disbelief, shock, sadness, anger. As the one who received the news, I can agree that all of those went through my brain in a nano-second...in addition to being completely gob-smacked,. finally landing on: now what do i do? Little did I realize that I already put a plan in place.

The previous fall I had watched my mum be constantly misdiagnosed & basically be brutalized by our so-called premier medical system. Everything that could go wrong for her, did. We had no one that we could rely on, no one to turn to. When it was finally diagnosed as cancer, discovered during a botched exploratory surgery, the chemo & radiation simply hastened her death. She went undiagnosed for so long, that her body could not cope with this barbaric practice, also known as cancer treatment. It was during her worst period that I told my husband that "if" that every happened to me, I will do whatever it takes NOT go through that.

There was no way that I could have known that in less than nine months I would be faced my own diagnosis with the challenge & opportunity to look at life in a completely different way.

The Story Begins: Cancer is not a death sentence.

Having a birthday seems like the right time to finally begin telling my story.But where to begin? This seems to be the constant struggle for many people who want to put into words what they have been going through. I have a lot of words, no doubt about that. I will carefully choose them here - or not. Ok - let's get started. 

May 5 2009, I called my best friend in Newfoundland & told her that I was starting to write a book. She thought it was a great idea, as she knows that I had enjoyed writing while in school. I said " I don't have a title but here's the first lines: Eight days ago I was told that I have cancer. Five days ago I was told I couldn't have coffee. Which one do you think pisses me off more?" 

She laughed generously & I joined right in. Even from across the country, I could picture her face, shaking her head, wondering what was I thinking? 

The laughter eventually gave way to silence. 

The silence gave way to her gasp of disbelief.