Where did the year go?

Wow !!! Really, it has been that long since I spent time here? Every day there is something to share. I have evidently found many excuses not to return.  Kind readers (I am hopeful that I have more than one) I am sure you will understand that intentions are always good; the effort is sadly lacking.  

Is this a painful topic? Absolutely !
Has the journey been challenging ? Absolutely!
Would I do it again? Absolutely not !!! There is no &^%$#( way that I want to do 'this' again. If I had the super power to change anything; not having cancer is the only thing on my list. Yes - it is that simple. 

ok ok ok, who am I kidding?  -- and every day a good hair day.

What has happened over the past year? Life & lots of it. Yup, essentially that's it - every single day.

Highlights - our house is now half finished ( aka the never ending reno); D & I went to Costa Rica; a couple of relaxing trips to Vegas; my dad moved back to England;  watching our nephew grow from baby burrito  to toddler genius (we are not biased what so ever!); many hours spent with friends;  every moment with my best friend.

Low lights: occasional moments of inner turmoil, anger & resentment.

I constantly question my doctors, specialists, those that are supposed to be helping me. Oddly, it appears that it is only the pharmecutial companies that are truly interested in me & that is to use me (you & everyone) as guinea pigs. My medical team, that is to say western doctors, are not interested in my well-being. Let's be honest - drug companies will tell our well-learned doctors what symptoms to look for & what drug can mask those symptoms.  No no no no -- we will not cure the patient, that would mean the loss of revenue. Give patient a drug for problem A; the drug is made to ensure that it will appear that problem A is slightly improved, but the side effects- which will never be published, will then cause problem B, C, D, E, F. But that's ok, because there will be another drug for those problems as well. This angers me to no end -- you should be angry too.

I refused to be treated that way - much to the disbelief of many around me. But don't your doctors know what is best for you?. How can you possible know what is right for you? And - my personal favourite, as asked by my GP: are your trying to cure cancer by yourself?  Are you kidding me ??!!! It was all I could do not to launch myself out of my chair & smack that sanctimonious look off her face. <<Dear readers - please understand, that if I was truly a violent person, I would be able to write volumes, as I would be spending plenty of time in prison. >>

Anger is best channelled into improving my odds. I am selfish --  remember this IS all about ME. My circle of friends is amazing -- each one is loved dearly. All are a constant positive force to be reckoned with.

That is not to say that everything is sunshine & roses, after all, we do have to co-habitate will others on this planet & once in a while....... expressions of discontent are required. My husband has been at the business end of a couple of vents & I don't mean the sheet metal kind. I wasn't mad at him; he had the misfortune of being in my eyesight when 'something' tipped my scales. Good chance it was something insignificant - yet added to everything else that I must manage with a 'happy disposition'; I turned into toxic-mode. Not much the man can do it that situation - didn't want or need him to do anything -- just be quiet & let me say my piece. I must get rid of these rancid thoughts all at once & when I am done & the tears of anger & frustration have dried, the puffy eyes & red nose are calmed; a bowl of double chocolate ice-cream will heal all wounds.

Anyone who is facing challenges, whether personal, health, work; will agree that turning the other cheek is not always the best solution. A good old fashioned rant to the heavens is good for the soul. It clears out the negative to make room for the positive.